The funny thing about life is that it doesn’t go as planned. Ever. It’s even funnier when you close your laptop while you are on the phone only to open it again and it looks like it took 18 tabs of acid.
I had a few decisions to make on this discovery. I could get angry and blame life for being out to get me again. I could laugh it off as another one of those things that happen and look to get it fixed. I could pray and promise God that if it magically fixes itself I’ll stop watching porn for a month. I could even try and fix it myself and possibly make it worse than it is.
I guess the thing I wanted to write about is choice. Every single thing we encounter in life, something as small as going back for seconds to ignoring the check engine light for another day, is a choice that we make ourselves. We can brush it off and call it laziness (because I have done it) or say it’s not that big of a deal…..but the day you realize you’ve gained 20 lbs or your car doesn’t start is when your choice to not do anything about it hits you in the face. This is when the excuses come. This is when you regret not doing something earlier but isn’t it funny that its never really our fault?
I was too busy, stressed, sad, lonely, in a hurry, etc etc to do anything about it. It’s so easy for us to put things off until tomorrow (it’s only a day away!). When my screen broke I noticed how many emotions and reasons I was coming up with to, not only blame this on someone else, but for it to magically fix itself. I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with technology. I embrace and fear it and I’ve learned not to put your trust in it. I wasn’t as torn this time unlike previously when my last laptop died (I think I went into a depression for about a month over that one) and I decided to focus on the positives. It still works and I can still see things well enough.
I’m trying to learn how to make better choices. I think we all try and look out for the BIG choices when the little ones effect us more in the long run. What is a “big” choice anyways? What makes that particular thing better than the other choices we are faced with every day? Oh is that the choice that’s going to magically make our lives better? Good luck with that bro. I’m starting to see more everyday that I made some not so great choices in my life, but who hasn’t? We all trust our brain instead of our hearts sometimes. We sometimes choose to follow the crowd instead of our instincts. That’s what makes us human! Now we have a choice to either let our past choices determine our future or take this moment…..right now…this very second…to make a choice to start making our lives work for US. I’m mostly talking to myself and I can feel it registering. I’m getting there.
I’m writing this very blog on my laptop. I can see most text related things fine. The only things that are a little weird are picture and video. Again I can just go and get this fixed, I just choose not to at this moment. I actually kind of like my computer on acid. In a day my whole online routine has changed and I kinda like it. I think it gives my computer screen personality but I do plan on getting it looked at eventually. Maybe tomorrow.